Diary of a Creative Chique

Say YES to Happiness

9:43:00 AM

I haven't really put so much thought on happiness until a couple of years back. Well, I have always wanted to be happy of course, but I never thought of it in a way that I'm doing things because it makes my life happy or for me to have a sense of fulfillment and meaning. It's more like I'm doing things because it's the right thing to do, it's what is expected of me or it's the best option I have. All those years, I just went with the flow, picked the opportunity that has the most benefits and worked on getting that successful future that we all envisioned to have. Then, I turned 30. And suddenly I felt like time was passing by faster than I imagined. Call it a midlife crisis or whatnot. But I took a moment and assessed my happiness level in life.

I started asking myself.

And yes! I felt like I was just overthinking. But I realized a few things and learned a few more as I was looking back and forward. And it hit me. I need to make changes in my perspective towards happiness. It is not just the absence of sadness and tears. It should be something I have to put emphasis on if I want to have a fulfilling and meaningful life.

I now choose to do things, not because it's what is best for me but because it brings me happiness and fulfillment. It sounds very simple, but it was not an easy transition. A lot of plans need to change; plans that have been in place for years. And with that, sometimes it even felt like I'm starting from scratch. Not to mention the fact that happiness is intangible, so when I explain these changes of plans to others, I somehow get the feeling that they can't grasp the idea I'm trying to put across. But here are a few core concepts that have liberated me from being just someone who follows that standard line.

1. Decide to be Happy

This is where we have to dig deep and answer the questions: What makes me happy? What do I want to do? What do I want to experience and do more? And the first step is just to go for it. It seems really easy to say, but it's not. A lot of times, the things that make us happy comes with a number of risks that we are afraid to take and a lot of hard work that we prefer not to go through. When we make a decision, we sometimes don't base it on what really brings us happiness, but on what is more convenient and practical. We often choose what's comfortable and safe even if it's not really what we want, but just because it's the easiest choice to make. And sometimes, we mistake comfort with happiness.

But you have to ask yourself:

Coz you don't deserve to just settle. Yes, It's good to be contented. That is also one key to happiness. But being content with what you have just because you are too afraid to do what really makes you happy is a totally different thing.

We can't really be sure about anything. Life itself is full of uncertainties. If we don't go for it, we will never know. We can have a long list of all the things that could possibly go wrong, but what if it goes right? Then we could have missed the opportunity of being genuinely happy. The most amazing experiences in life do not come easy, but for sure, it's going to be totally worth it. So decide to go for what makes your heart happy.

2. Your happiness should not be dependent on other people.

We can all agree that our life decisions can easily be affected by how other people act or react. And we've all been in a situation where we want to do something for ourselves but decides not to because we think about how other people would think and feel about that decision. We don't want to be selfish, and at the same time, we don't want to be judged when what we want isn't what is acceptable for some.

But remember this:

You don't have to do things just because it's what is expected of you. I know that it's very easy to do the things that we think others expect from us or want from us. But doing something out of the norm doesn't make you a bad person. It just meant you have a different opinion and perspective in life. And you should not be ashamed of that.

And you don't have to be someone you are not just to please others, or to be loved. A lot of times, we see self-empowerment quotes telling us to love ourselves. And loving ourselves is not just all about self-care, self-pampering, or spending time with ourselves through travel. Loving yourself is allowing yourself to be YOU. We owe it to ourselves to fight for our own happiness regardless if people disagree with our point of view.

3. Your happiness is not someone else's responsibility.

IT IS YOURS! Yes, people who love you would want to make you happy, they may even want to give you the world. But what makes you happy may not always be within their capacity. Or it may not even be in line with what makes THEM happy. Don't feel bad when someone chooses to pursue their life goals instead of prioritizing yours. It does not mean you are less important or less loved. It doesn't also mean the person is being selfish.

And we should all respect that. Don't let other people choose your happiness over theirs even if it's something that they are very much willing to do. Support them to freely work on what makes them happy whatever it might be, while you work on yours. I'm not saying you have to do it alone. Along the way, you will need other people. I guess what I'm saying is, don't wait around for someone to get you what your heart desires. Own it, take responsibility and do it yourself. And I tell you, it will be much more fulfilling.

4. Happiness is here and now.

We sometimes find ourselves treating happiness as a long term goal to achieve or as an ultimate destination, in which we can finally be happy once we attain it. We may say, "I will be happy when I become a doctor", " I will be happy when I have my dream house.", or "If I get promoted, then I will be happy". We often focus on our goals in life as a way for us to move forward and give us purpose. And there is nothing wrong with that. But happiness is not just about the destination but also about the journey. Find your happiness here and now, with what you have. It should not be all about the destination.

When we focus too much on things far away, everything up close gets blurry. Let's not lose focus on the things that can make us happy now just because we are too busy with what we can have in the future.

People may tell us what's best for us, and maybe they are right. But the reality is, they don't really know for sure. Everything they're telling us is based on what they've learned from their own experiences or what they've seen around them. From that, they derived a path with the least hardships and least heartaches that can lead us to the best future. But it is still mostly subjective. And even if they are right and it is really what is best for us, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to make us happy. Coz even the best future with the best job and the most comfortable life does not equate to happiness.

At the end of the day, it is always up to you, coz happiness is a personal thing. Your way of happiness may not be the way of happiness for others. So have a closer look inside you, and whatever you find, have the courage to pursue it and fight for it. Not for other people but for yourself. Be brave enough to say YES! to Happiness.

Motivate & Inspire

RE-FRAMING REGRETS

9:10:00 AM

All of us has those if-only-I-could-turn-back-time moments. All those if only, what-ifs, and could-haves, are tied to the amazing things that we imagined for ourselves but somehow lost, just because we made the wrong choice or thought we did. More often than not, we think that if we did things differently, we could've been on a better situation and could've had a better life. And that may be true, but you know what? There's really no way to tell for sure.

We all have regrets but it doesn't have to be obstructive nor destructive. Regret on its own is not really a bad thing. Having regrets means you have reflected on your actions and its consequences. It is believing that you have something to learn and amends to make. It is accepting that there is an opportunity for you to be braver with your life. The main reason why you have regrets is the fact that you now know better. But for some people, regrets can be debilitating. It can transpire as an overall feeling of being wrong or bad which could lead them to spiral into an emotional breakdown and could put them in a worse situation.

So how about we refer to those regrets as “wonderings”. I think that’s a more positive way to put it. Because that’s what we do anyway. We wonder about all the things that could’ve possibly happened if everything played out differently. Let’s not refer to those moments as ‘mistakes’ or ‘wrong choices’ either, because, at that time, it was the right choice and may even be the best possible decision we can make. We never intentionally make mistakes. Ultimately, we don’t always have the most favorable conditions to choose wisely. We may have had the wrong information, or maybe we haven’t seen and considered all our options. We may be pressured with time or we may have been pushed by the circumstances. Sometimes we just rely on our gut, and other times we don’t decide for our best interest but instead for other people. Human as we are, it’s a given that we don’t make perfect decisions.

So, don’t succumb to the thought that your life is ruined because of it. Don’t just accept that your future isn’t going to be that great just because of something you did at one point of your life. Hold on to the possibility of having that bright future and work for it. Life and the future are always uncertain. There are endless possibilities, but never certainties. That’s why these “wonderings” can occur on a daily basis. It can be a big thing like choosing to marry someone or as simple as choosing to go out with friends. So, there is always something that we wish we could’ve done differently. Whatever it is, own it! What happened, happened. It’s done, and it’s over. Let’s not dwell on it.

We cannot travel back through time to change those decisions, not yet anyway. Unless someone has invented the time machine, I’m not aware of. But if you can, are you really willing to give it all back and make a different choice even if you're still going to be uncertain of what that choice may lead to? Are you willing to get rid of the memories you have with people you met, the friends you gained and the old ones that stayed? How about those people that made you smile, laugh, and made you feel loved? Coz those memories are results of your decisions. Think of all the experiences that made you wiser and stronger, the things you learned about life and even about yourself, coz these are the things that made you into who you are today.

So just learn from it all and forgive yourself for not knowing better then. And now that you do, thank your old self for making that decision and making you into a better version of yourself. Good days have brought us happiness, and bad days have gained us experience. The worst days gave us the necessary lessons, and the best days gave us all the memories worth sharing and reminiscing. You see, if we only look at it from a positive perspective, we will realize that we may have gained more than what we thought we lost. And these gains are paving our way to the life that we want. Focus on that! Don’t let your experiences and past decisions hold you back, instead use it to fuel your fire to get that spectacular life that you have always imagined. Go get it, coz you deserve it!