RE-FRAMING REGRETS
9:10:00 AM
All of us has those if-only-I-could-turn-back-time moments. All those if only, what-ifs, and could-haves, are tied to the amazing things that we imagined for ourselves but somehow lost, just because we made the wrong choice or thought we did. More often than not, we think that if we did things differently, we could've been on a better situation and could've had a better life. And that may be true, but you know what? There's really no way to tell for sure.
We all have regrets but it doesn't have to be obstructive nor destructive. Regret on its own is not really a bad thing. Having regrets means you have reflected on your actions and its consequences. It is believing that you have something to learn and amends to make. It is accepting that there is an opportunity for you to be braver with your life. The main reason why you have regrets is the fact that you now know better. But for some people, regrets can be debilitating. It can transpire as an overall feeling of being wrong or bad which could lead them to spiral into an emotional breakdown and could put them in a worse situation.
So how about we refer to those regrets as “wonderings”. I think that’s a more positive way to put it. Because that’s what we do anyway. We wonder about all the things that could’ve possibly happened if everything played out differently. Let’s not refer to those moments as ‘mistakes’ or ‘wrong choices’ either, because, at that time, it was the right choice and may even be the best possible decision we can make. We never intentionally make mistakes. Ultimately, we don’t always have the most favorable conditions to choose wisely. We may have had the wrong information, or maybe we haven’t seen and considered all our options. We may be pressured with time or we may have been pushed by the circumstances. Sometimes we just rely on our gut, and other times we don’t decide for our best interest but instead for other people. Human as we are, it’s a given that we don’t make perfect decisions.
So, don’t succumb to the thought that your life is ruined because of it. Don’t just accept that your future isn’t going to be that great just because of something you did at one point of your life. Hold on to the possibility of having that bright future and work for it. Life and the future are always uncertain. There are endless possibilities, but never certainties. That’s why these “wonderings” can occur on a daily basis. It can be a big thing like choosing to marry someone or as simple as choosing to go out with friends. So, there is always something that we wish we could’ve done differently. Whatever it is, own it! What happened, happened. It’s done, and it’s over. Let’s not dwell on it.
We cannot travel back through time to change those decisions, not yet anyway. Unless someone has invented the time machine, I’m not aware of. But if you can, are you really willing to give it all back and make a different choice even if you're still going to be uncertain of what that choice may lead to? Are you willing to get rid of the memories you have with people you met, the friends you gained and the old ones that stayed? How about those people that made you smile, laugh, and made you feel loved? Coz those memories are results of your decisions. Think of all the experiences that made you wiser and stronger, the things you learned about life and even about yourself, coz these are the things that made you into who you are today.
So
just learn from it all and forgive yourself for not knowing better then. And now that you do, thank your old self for making that decision and making you into a better version of yourself. Good days have brought us happiness, and bad days have gained us experience.
The worst days gave us the necessary lessons, and the best days gave us all the memories worth sharing and reminiscing. You see, if we only look at it from a positive perspective, we will realize that we may have gained more than what we thought we lost. And these gains are paving our way to the life that we want. Focus on that! Don’t let your experiences and past decisions hold you back, instead use it to fuel your fire to get that spectacular life that you have always imagined. Go get it, coz you deserve it!
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